As an introvert, I’ve had my fair share of people who don’t really “get” me.
People who don’t understand why I don’t speak up as often as others. (But trust—I have plenty of opinions!)
Those who would rather not take the time to get to know me because it takes longer for me to come out of my shell.
And I understand that…introverts can be confusing and even intimidating if you don’t know how we work.
But then there are those people who, instead of trying to get to know me better, just make assumptions about what I’m thinking or what I’m going to say or why I’m not behaving the way they think I should be.
While some of the comments introverts receive about their personality quirks are legitimate questions or even funny remarks…
…others are just downright annoying.
7 Comments Introverts Don’t Want to Hear
Please just stop.
If you’re a fellow introvert, this one goes out to you, friend. I know living in an extroverted world that only seems to want to “fix” you can be exhausting. And for all my extroverts out there, know that this isn’t a post meant to attack or ridicule you in any way. But if you have introverts for friends, there are steps you can take to understand us better and accept us the way we are.
And those steps don’t involve saying any of the following:
“You’re so quiet. Why don’t you talk?”
Honey, I’m not quiet. I’m just over here trying to decide if calories count if you eat them while standing up.
The truth is, if I speak up, one of three things will happen:
- No one will listen to what I have to say, and I’ll be talked over. (THE WORST. Excuse me while I slowly crawl into a hole and die...)
- I won’t be able to get my thoughts out into a logical sentence, and I’ll sound like an idiot. (THE SECOND WORST. My talents to date include: eating way too many bagel bites in one sitting and saying “um” a lot.)
- Or, worst of all, everyone will be super interested and want me to say more words and stuff. (Listen, I didn’t sign up to give a speech. I’m just trying to tell you what my favorite color is.)
So, really, I’m better off just listening.
I also require a longer amount of time to digest a conversation and gather my thoughts into some sort of order that remotely resembles logical. Just give me a little pause and a chance to say what I need to say.Just because you're talking, doesn't necessarily mean you're communicating.Click To Tweet
“Just try to be more outgoing.”
I don’t have to try to be or do anything. This is the way I am—an introvert. Take it or leave it. I don’t have to change my personality just because you may not understand it. This is who God made me to be…although I don’t know if it was His intention to include this much sass. But that’s a story for another day.
My worth isn’t determined by how you perceive me to be.
I like being an introvert, and I’ve worked hard to reach this point and be content with who I am as a person. We all have a lot of different things to offer the world, and rather than nit-pick at each other’s flaws or weaknesses, let’s all just work at being a little bit more accepting of what makes us each unique.
“Are you okay? You look mad.”
Yup. I’m fine. This is just how my face looks when I feel overwhelmed by too much mental stimulation. I like to think of it as the introvert’s survival instinct kicking in. Like that of a startled animal.
Too much conversation?
Too many people at a party and not enough snacks?
*Initiating introvert survival mode.*
But you know a good way to piss off an introvert? Keep asking them if they’re “ok.”
Go on, do it. I dare you. See what happens.
“Why are you so antisocial?”
I’m NOT antisocial; I’m selectively social. I’m “pro-me.” I’m protective of my relational energy.
Actually, introverts love being social. It just needs to be on our own terms, just like an extrovert likes being social in their own way.
We prefer quiet, deeper, one-on-one conversations than trying to talk and mingle with a large group of people. Being with a crowd makes my social anxiety flair up—never mind trying to talk in front of one!
Sometimes, quiet company is the best company.Sometimes quiet company is the best company.Click To Tweet
Read this next: 4 Epic Ways Introverts Can Improve Their Relationships
“You don’t seem very friendly. I thought you were stuck-up when I first met you.”
I used to hear this more when I was younger and wasn’t aware of the kind of vibes I was giving off to people. If you ever thought I didn’t like you, welllll…I probably didn’t.
Just kidding. 🙂
In all honesty, I was a super insecure and painfully shy teenager, so my reticence to interact didn’t have anything to do with you. If I ever offended you back then, I’m sorry. That was not my intention.
Thankfully, I’ve gotten better at controlling my RBF, and I try to be more open and warm when meeting new people, even if I’d rather be at home in my pjs with coffee + a book.
“Don’t you ever get bored staying at home watching Netflix all the time?”
“You don’t act like you’re socially anxious when you’re with people.”
What do I have to do, paper bag it to make you believe me?
It’s good for introverts (and people in general) to break out of their comfort zones once in awhile. That’s how you grow. But the thing about being outside your comfort zone is that it’s, you guessed it…uncomfortable.
My social anxiety isn’t as bad as it used to be, but I still need to pre-game before a big group get together by giving myself a pep talk in my bathroom mirror.
“You got this, B. You will not be socially awkward. You will not do your Scooby Doo impression.”
I’m a pro at faking it ’til you make it when it comes to pretending to be an extrovert.
…but I’m always a teensy bit relieved leaving a party.
Extroverts and introverts both have their strengths and weaknesses and random, quirky nuances to their respective personalities. Instead of finding fault with each other and trying to force others to morph into temperaments that society deems more “acceptable”, let’s instead take opportunities to learn more about each other and appreciate these not-so-subtle differences. Let’s use opportunities to praise these quirks for what they add to our relationships: variety and fun.Our personality quirks don't take away from our relationships—they add variety + fun.Click To Tweet
So, the next time you feel the familiar and uncontrollable urge to introvert (I’m determined to make this a verb, by the way), just go with it.
Be the introvert you were always meant to be. And don’t let anyone make you feel guilty about it.
Wanna read more posts about introverts?
- 14 Ways Introverts Can Practice Self Care at Work
- The Power of the Five Love Languages: Teaching Others How to Love You Through Thoughtful Action + Authentic Engagement
- The Ultimate Guide to Surviving the Holidays as an Introvert
- Confessions of an Introvert (Part 1)
- Confessions of an Introvert (Part 2)
- Confessions of an Introvert (Part 3)
- Why Blogging is the Perfect Hobby for Introverts
What are some questions/phrases you’re sick and tired of hearing as an introvert? Meet me in the comments below and let’s discuss.
And while we’re at it, let’s make this friendship thang social media official.